a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
