$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
