I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
