im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
