Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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