I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
