Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
