Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
