I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
