mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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