if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
