He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
