I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
