I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
