just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
