There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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