well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
