dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
