epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
