No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
