I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
