i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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