I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
