My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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