she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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