i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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