your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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