see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
