dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
