dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
