there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
