Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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