It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
