remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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