I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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