I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
