Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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