I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
