My room smells like vodka and shame
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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