I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
