My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
