I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Drunk is a universal language darling
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
