don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
