This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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