Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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