So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
