I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
