I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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