i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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