How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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