Yo dont text me then not text me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
