Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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