we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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