Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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