she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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