There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
